I Must Be Rich!

April 14, 2010

At bedtime, we sing The Boy a song or two, then place him in his crib and walk out, and he goes to sleep.

At bedtime, my wife sings my daughter two song, I tell her a Pokemon story (different combinations of the same plot lines over and over), do a nighttime dance, sing her songs, and we talk about what to dream about. The processes couldn’t be any different (especially in terms of length of time!). And this doesn’t even count the number of times she calls us back up.

Anyhow, she always complains about having trouble falling asleep. The reason we talk about what to dream about is because I taught her a trick I sometimes use, which is to think about what to dream about. I likely never dream the actual dream, but it helps me fall asleep.

Unfortunately, I am the one who needs to decide what she should think about.

So, one night, we have a dream which involves leprechauns and their pot of gold. This seemed to get my daughter’s interest, and lead to the following conversation:

Daughter: And leprechaun gold is like a THOUSAND dollars!
Me: Wow! Is that a lot?
Daughter: Yeah! We could buy lots of toys!
Me: Cool!
Daughter: No, we could buy a whole store!
Me: Wow!
Daughter: And I could still have enough left over to GET A JOB!
Me: Uh…
Daughter: I’m going to be a veterinarian!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my job. You poor schmucks with no money probably have no idea what I am talking about…

Little Treasures

February 9, 2010

Last night, when getting ready for bed, my daughter took a paperclip out of her pocket.

“Where’d you get that?” I asked her. “From school,” she replied. I asked her if the teacher said it was okay, and she said she just took it.

Every few days, she comes home with what must be Little Treasures to her. Sometimes, it makes sense; a penny one day, a colorful bead another. Sometimes, it is a stick, or a piece of paper someone else wrote on. Or a paperclip.

We have a lot of paperclips in our house.

Little Treasure or not, I don’t want her to get into the habit of taking stuff from her class. “You really shouldn’t just take things from school, sweetie,” I tell her.

Her response?

“I only do it on days I have pockets…”

Conversations With…: The Recession’s Tough on Everyone

December 19, 2009

I guess everyone has suffered a bit in this last recession…

Me: Do all birds hibernate (sic)? Or do some stick around in the winter?
Daughter: The snow owl does!
Me: Really? We’ll have to keep an eye out for one…
Daughter: They live in Antarctica!
Me: Really?
Daughter: Yeah! The have camouflage… to protect them from creditors.
Me: Preditors?
Daughter: No, creditors!
Me: Creditors?
Daughter: Creditors.

At least they didn’t get a loan from Big Tony…

Conversations With…: Holiday Spirit

December 16, 2009

Driving in the car last night, out of the blue…

Daughter: Hanukkah isn’t fair…

(I could see what was coming)

Me: How so?
Daughter: They get presents for 8 days and 8 nights!
Me: Well, you’ve already missed 4 days of Hanukkah.. you should wait until next year to convert.

Happy Holidays, all…

Conversations With…: At least she didn’t say “pooch”

December 1, 2009

My daughter’s thing is cats. The boy’s thing is trucks, trains and firetrucks. Which would explain why the toy workbench he got for his birthday only gets occasionally touched.

Today, my daughter decided to actually combine her love of cats with the workbench and decided to play a game where she is a cat, and I am a construction worker. She asked me to name the cat, so I went with a construction theme, and chose the name Rivets, which I thought was a cute cat name.

She had no idea what a rivet was, and even after I explained how it was relevant, she insisted I name cat after a tool. She picked up the toy wrench and said, name the cat after this. “Wrench?” I asked. “Yeah, wrench,” she replied.

After a few minutes of playing, I went into the kitchen to talk to Ms. Kaz. My daughter came in and started talking some more about the game, and I told her to slow down and tell me again…

Daughter: .. so Wrench the cat, and Screw the dog were going…
Me: uh, huh.. wait, what? Wrench the cat and who..?
Daughter: Screw the dog.
Me: …
Daughter: …
Me: That’s a great name for the dog. Tell mommy!

I am looking forward to many more games of Wrench the cat and Screw the dog. I just hope she doesn’t try playing this game at school!

Conversations With…: The New Threats

August 31, 2009

Daughter: If you don’t let me, I’m gonna call a woodpecker!
Kaz: …
Ms. Kaz: …
Daughter: …
Ms. Kaz: And what will the woodpecker do?
Daughter: He’ll PECK the house!

We all live in a Pokemon world..

May 31, 2009

My daughter is no longer into princesses. Our princess movies sit unwatched. Her princess costumes are collecting dust. When asked about Disney World, she says, “Are there Pokemon there? No? Naahhh, I don’t want to go there.”

In fact, all she ever talks about is going to Japan to go to the Pokemon Center Store. I have to say that a trip to Japan sounds intriguing to Ms. Kaz and me. But I could just see us going there, visiting the Pokemon Center Store and then spending the rest of the week dealing with, “I don’t want to go there! That sounds booooring!”

Even the boy now recognizes, and gets excited about Pikachu. He likes to squeeze his first together and grimace and shake his head in faux effort in order to get us to go, “GEODUUUUDE!!”

Anyhow, on a recent trip back from Rochester, my daughter was talking about something, and I told her, “Sweetie, I have no idea what you are talking about.” A few seconds of thought, and she responded, “If you don’t know what I am talking about, it is probably Pokemon.”



July 28, 2008

I don’t know what the deal is with my daughter and the idea of evil lately, but this weekend I heard the following:

After scraping her arm on the fireplace screen, “The fireplace is evil, and I want to get rid of it.”

And my personal favorite:

“Dad, you are so evil, I am going to sneak up on you!”

I gotta ask her what “evil” means.. I have a feeling there’s another good quote to come out of this.

Neighborhood Wierdos

June 25, 2008

Today, we officially joined the ranks of the neighborhood wierdos.

Today, we put a leash on our cat, and took him outside.

This cat is the cat that is constantly trying to get outside. He’s managed twice, so far, in his life to get out. Each time, he immediately ran under our neighbor’s bushes and sat there.

So today, we put the leash on. He actually did not resist the collar, or the leash. I took him to the door – the same door he tries to bolt out of when it is open – and he sat there looking out. And sat there. And sat there.

Finally, I picked him up and put him outside. He immediately slinked back toward the door, only to find it closed. Finally, he began to explore, and headed straight for the bushes. With the leash, I was able to keep him from going under them, but he then spent the next 5 minutes rolling in dirt.

My daughter wanted to hold the leash, but with the cat a little freaked out, I didn’t want her to choke him, accidentally or otherwise. Eventually, she got bored and went with Ms. Kaz across the street to say hello to “friend doggy”.

What amazed me is that the cat didn’t mind the leash. I remember my mother trying this stunt with out cats when I was younger, and the cat immediately dropped and began clawing and chewing at the leash. My guess is that, after a few times out, he’ll be comfortable with the outside, then he’ll focus on the leash.

I can’t wait to be “that guy who walks his cat”.

Conversations With…: Kids and technology

May 1, 2008

Man, kids seem to be learning and understanding earlier and earlier. It must have something to do with the fast pace of technological change. My parents thought it was fast when I was a kid, I’m sure, but it wasn’t like it is today.

My daughter, a few weeks ago, was watching some sort of video on the computer. I had to feed The Boy his bottle, so I told her, “just move the mouse over the movie you want and click,” and in the time I was getting the bottle ready, she must have watched 3 other video.

Last night, when getting her ready for bed, she told me, “I have one hundred friends!”

“Wow,” I said, “that’s a lot”


“Is that Friendster, or Facebook?” I asked. She thought for a bit, then told me, “Facebook.”

Maybe it is time to put a password on the ol’ Internet.


April 17, 2008

My daughter has a blonde wig (to go with the pink and green ones her Aunt gave her) that she likes to wear and say she is Hannah Montana. We don’t watch Hannah Montana at home, so I don’t know where she gets it.

Oh, wait, maybe I do.

Anyhow, it was hi-larious when I put the wig on her nice, wooden rocking horse and called it something like “Horse-y Montana” (hey, you don’t have to have your “A” material for 3 1/2 year olds).

We were talking about this at bedtime last night. My daughter said something about the cat being, “smi… smile… smiley…”

“Miley Cyrus?” I suggested.

“Yeah!” my daughter exclaimed, “Miley-saurus!”

I guess when my daughter is my age, Miley will be a dinosaur. But that’s okay, because by then, Miley’s kid’ll be raking in the dough…


February 16, 2008

So, our daughter came home from Big Girl School with valentines and a whole bunch of candy, pencils, etc from the kids in her school. We sent her with those little valentine’s cards, hand decorated by her, like the kind I remember taking to school as a kid.

Which leaves me with two questions:

1. When did kids start sending gifts along with the cards?

2. Why didn’t you all tell me this was the norm before valentine’s day??