The Death of SpongeBob: An open letter to my daughter


I know you won’t be able to read this for a few years yet. But that’s the point. I want to give you plenty of time to forgive us.

I used to love to watch you put your SpongeBob bath toy in your bathtub sink, put the washcloth over him, pat him on the back, and tell him, “night night”. I loved to watch it almost as much as you loved to do it.

Yes, yes, I know… SpongeBob is on vacation with Patrick… That’s what mommy and daddy told you… You, see the thing is…

When you’re sitting down, there’s more after the jump…

The thing is… SpongeBob is not really on vacation. You see, after all those baths, SpongeBob got, well… he got kind of faded, and his “bubble action” sound was starting to sound more like lava bubbling up from a river in Hell. Robot Hell.

I know that appearences are not important to you. Nor is the sound. It was only ever mommy or daddy who squeezed his belly to make the sound anyway. But, he was also getting a little mildew-y.  [Ms. Kaz – “Not just mildew-y… GROSS”]
Trust me, it kills us every time to keep telling you he is on vacation when he isn’t.

We’ve tried our best to find a replacement. We even checked the internet (you remember the internet, don’t you?).

It is our fault. We didn’t learn the golden rule of parenting, which states that you never buy just ONE of anything. You always buy two or three (or more!) just in case that item becomes a cherished item and then gets lost (remind me to tell you about Arthur and Bear sometime). We didn’t know that at the time.

Please forgive us…


One Response to The Death of SpongeBob: An open letter to my daughter

  1. Other blogs says:

    “Baby Pinata” Was Taken, So They Went With “Babykeeper”
    In an earlier phase of my fatherhood experience, I might have taken issue with Mommysential’s decision

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