The Big Talk (Part I)

baby

“So when are you guys gonna have another one?”

Ms. Kaz and I promised we wouldn’t have that discussion until our daughter turned two. Not “we won’t have another one until she’s two,” or “we won’t try until she’s two.” We wouldn’t even discuss it until she was two.

Oh, a comment here or there always snuck out between the two of us, but if people asked — “we aren’t going to discuss it until she’s two.”

Well, two came and went. No discussion.

Until the other night…

I don’t remember the exact question Ms. Kaz asked. If pressed, I would tell you it was something along the lines of, “don’t you think it would be nice to have another?”

I think she’s worried about how I feel about … that. I think she’s approaching the discussion very slowly, very carefully. The problem is, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about … that.

I said some things at the time. “I don’t want her to feel less loved. I don’t want to love her any less.” And some other similar concerns. But I don’t think I totally believe these things. Like Ms. Kaz said, “it isn’t like you have a finite amount of love that you have to split up. I mean, you didn’t love me any less after she was born.”

“WeEEEelllll,” I said, followed by, “You know I am just kidding,” as I rubbed my sore arm.

I know my true feelings about this topic are inside of me somewhere. I just need to figure out what they are. I guess that’s what makes this post a “Part I”. Stay tuned.

If anyone is out there reading and wants to share their stories about having a second child, and what concerns, doubts, etc. they went through, please do…

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